I am absolutely blown away. Posting that blog entry on October 18th changed everything.

I have amazing friends and family. I never expected this and I'm humbled.

Thank you.

A little "birdy" told me (wow, I sound like my mother) that my latest blog post had been sent to all my former colleagues.

Hi RGM Family!

My life has changed again so much in just a few short days.

I'm now working another part time job at the RGM store in K-town. How strange is that? I miss working in the book industry and being in the know about upcoming fiction books. I miss ARCs. Being at the store brings back so many memories too. In some ways I feel reconnected again. (I heart books, what can I say?)

I have a possibe job offer waiting for me. I won't say much more because it's not final, final. It's not a great job but it pays well and will help me get back on my feet. (And not to mention getting back on my PCOS meds, getting a hair cut and getting new tires for my car). Please pray that the final steps for this job offer go through fine. I need this.

Amazing what God can do in so little time after such a long, long struggle. Trusting God is not easy. Honestly giving the entire situation up to Him is easier said than done. Being stuck in cycles of lessons not being learned is emotionally draining. There is no right prayer to say, there is no right song to sing or word to speak. Let Him have it. Tell Him exactly how you feel. Stomp your feet, yell if you have to. (Been there and done that). Rest in Him but seek out support from those around you. Hang out with friends, go for coffee, talk to your Pastor, blog about it (:P), help others out that are in need, call a friend, visit family and just be honest.

My life is far from figured out. My career life is far from being figured out. I still have more questions than answers to where God is leading. I'm really not going to know, there is no arrival. Time flies and I don't want to miss out on any of it.

I'm going to be extremely vulnerable and honest with this post, you are officially warned.

I'm flat broke. I can't pay my bills. My sister (who is also jobless and recently returned from Africa) has bailed me out twice now. Currently I have only been able to find a part-time job which only makes me $10/hr and only hitting a max of 20 hrs a week.

I had an interview today for a night shift job (yes, I'm that desperate because it pays well) and I won't find out until Nov 15ish if I got it or not. Between now and then I have car payments, insurance, rent, cell phone and credit card bills. The $ I make between now and then will barely touch it.

I was laid off a job where I was making enough money to pay all my bills plus a tiny extra.

I cannot sell my car - it is an asset as well as cuts possible jobs in half. (Seriously, I've been down this road before). And it still has 1.5 years of payments on it.

After 4 years at a company - it got me no where resume wise apparently. I'm back to freaking square one and entry level positions which make a quarter past min. wage if I'm lucky.

Back in July i had a job at a roofing company but I had to leave. I don't regret leaving. I left feeling that God would provide for me...

I'm hurting. Nothing has changed in the past 2+ months. I have no frick'n concept of where God is taking me and I'm tired of feeling like this. Financially I was fine during the first 5 months of being laid off but that was because I was working stupid temp jobs.

I DON'T GET IT. For my entire life, life has never been easy. Not for me, not for my sisters and especially not for my parents. Money has always been a problem. (Let's not forget my dad losing 2 sisters, his father and a friend in the past 4 years) Why is it that some people get amazing jobs and have it so good? Why must me and my family constantly struggle? (Don't even try to tell me it's just to build character).

I'm depressed and sleeping at least 9 hours a night and still wanting more.

I bawled again today knowing that I don't have money and finding a job in a few weeks just isn't going to happen. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't buy groceries to eat, I can't put gas in the car (I take the bus to my pt job), I can't get my hair cut which it's been 10 months, I can't pay for the pills I need for my PCOS, I can't afford to even make payments to my sponsor child.

What the HELL am I supposed to do? Where is God in all of this? Why can't I hear Him or see Him directing me? I'm sick of hearing that "God has a better job for you, be patient.".

Pray for me, pray for my sister who needs a job as well. Pray that my parents store will make it through the winter. Pray that my parents will fix their relationship. Pray that God will reveal to me His provisions. Pray that in a couple years I will look back and see what a growing experience this was for me. Pray that a good job does come along for me.

or at least when they are around.

HoneyCrisp apples

Seriously my favourite apple! Unfortunately they are only around for 3-4 weeks. :( This is my description of said apple - mix the sweetness of a macintosh and add a slice of a granny smith which equals delish!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honeycrisp

Okay, this really got my goat tonight.








Guitar Praise? Have you got to be kidding me?

And to quote from the website:
"The lyrics are appropriate for all ages so friends and family can sing along as you shred. "
(Shred?? Some of the songs are from Chris Tomlin! Seriously)

Some Christians need to get their heads examined. Why do you have to copy everything mainstream? Can we ever be inventive?

I have nothing else to say about this except LAME.

Funny story. Well maybe not quite BUT it's interesting anyways.

So tonight a couple of friends decided to go to a local church girl's night out (http://www.gnolive.ca/) at a local church. Sounds great. Doors open at 7pm and the show starts at 7:30pm. We'll aim to be there just after 7.

First problem. No parking. 4 blocks later and crammed along a side street the car is parked.

Second problem. It's freezing cold and I didn't bring a jacket. Um, wait, that's my problem.

Third problem. It's 7:10pm and the doors to the church are locked. Why you ask? 390+ women are already in the building and it's hitting the fire hazard restrictions. Yup. No lie. The doorman locked the doors and wouldn't not let anyone else in. The line outside the doors? At least 100 strong. There were women there that drove over an hour to come. Some took the night off, other's had to get sitters. We were turned away with craptacular excuses.

This was a free event but you needed a ticket. They printed waaayy more tickets than seating available. At least 150 more tickets. They blamed Mitchell Family Books for having tickets and with going bankrupt there was no way of knowing how many were given away. POOR excuse. The stores are still open, go and ask!

I wasn't really ticked, I live 15 minutes away. I feel so sorry for the older ladies who were freaking ticked and were vocal about it.

Next year? Good luck getting a great turnout because after how this was handled? You're going to have a hord of angry, church-going ladies to sooth over!

I never thought I'd post something like this or admit to it but here goes.

I miss taking the bus.

Why?

The simplicity. Reminds me of easier times in my life. No stress of parking, dealing with moronic drivers or in general taking care of a vehicle.

Riding the bus gives me time to let my mind wander and rest. To think about my day and the future. To pray for a few moments or just sing along to my iPod (well maybe during the walk to the stop :P).

I'm enjoying the time right now taking it* but the novelty will wear off again quite quickly I'm sure. (Seriously, can buses ever be on time?!)

*I take the bus to my p/t job at the university. I still have my "baby" but it's cheaper to hop the bus right now then to pay for parking and gas.

My blog is currently under construction! How 'bout the new design tho? I think it's pretty sweet! :)

Uptown Girl living in an Uptown World

Eventually I hope to have all my blogs linked to this one but we'll see if I can figure that out.

"I read your blog a couple of times

You write good blogs

Cathartic"

Thanks Tim! I appreciate knowing that someone reads my blog :P

cathartic (http://definr.com/cathartic)
adj 1: emotionally purging [syn: psychotherapeutic]
2: emotionally purging (of e.g. art) [syn: releasing]
3: strongly laxative [syn: evacuant, purgative]
n : a purging medicine; stimulates evacuation of the bowels
[syn: purgative, physic, aperient]

I'm pretty sure he was referring to the first two of the definition.

Fab article in the Woolwich Observer about my church's new location:

Frowning she sits staring out the window.
Staring beyond, her fingers touching the glass.
Her world so changed and so unstable.
A single tear slips down her pale cheek.

Segregated, alone and feeling lost.
She dreams of better days and bigger things.
From life she knows not what she wants.
A longing, a desire to want more.

This life of hers seems an endless battle.
The rain it pours down tapping the window.
Her forehead touches the cold glass.
A heaviness sits upon her like the rain clouds...

I took a huge risk last week - I quit my job that I finally got after a 5.5 month adventure of working full-time temp and part-time at Chapters. My parents don't know yet (unless they read this post) and I'm struggling with picking up the phone and telling them.

I'm scared.

Afraid.

This is the first time I've ever walked away from a job.

Why? Self-preservation. The job was killing me slowly - emotionally, personally and spiritually. For two months I had to learn a job on my own in an industry I know nothing about and working as an assistant to a man who doesn't understand what being accountable means. Being in an office with tons of cussing, vulgarity, lack of morality and general un-professionalism. Being told that there is no learning curve left - that basically I'm not doing enough work even though I am constantly stressed out, buried under paperwork and working so much there is no time for lunch. I made one friend and he got the boot last week for a reasons I didn't agree with.

I met up with a lady from my church, Colleen, on Thursday evening - perfect timing. She had so much to tell me and let me talk over and over again - justifying over and over again why I wanted to quit and why I shouldn't. I knew what I needed to do and after 2.5 hours talking I did what my gut and heart were telling me. I was done. I made the phone calls and my life is forever changed yet again.

My eyes are open even more now to what I truly want in life - not that job! :P Time for a career change? I think so. I've been doing administrative work since high school - about 7 years. It was a safe career choice. It was an easy choice. I need to trust God immensely to guide my next steps.

Talking to a bunch of people this weekend has shown m that sometimes you have to take a leap like this to figure out what to do in life. My friend Mike got married on Friday night and I think I got more advice from him then I know what to do with. Having friends who know you is so crucial! Talking to someone who's been in the same boat give me so much more hope.

If you think of me, please pray for me. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life but am learning very quickly that I don't. To change careers I need to find something I enjoy but figuring that out is going to be a hard battle. (Suggestions from anyone?)

This afternoon I watched my good friend Mike get married to his wonderful wife April.  Watching his face as his bride walk down the aisle was price-less, he was grinning like a little kid.  It was an outdoor wedding and just a beautiful day to boot.  This is the first wedding I've gone to that it's a good friend getting married - it made me flash back over the last number of years of my friendship with Mike and it's been a blessing.  Sometimes people are in your life for a reason.  :)

Where we end up in life is such a mystery.
We live like we know where we are going.
We act like we have it all together when that could be the furtherest thing from the truth.

We dress to impress,
we worry about everything.
We buy, save and store.
We move through each day, living for the next.

Life can change in a moment, a second, a blink.
It takes but a moment can change everything.

----

A smile,
a face captured mid laugh.
The moment,
treasured forever,
in a photograph.


---

Love...
Contagious
Energetic
Bubbly
Life
Affirming

---

It takes a different path to see things different.
It takes an experience to gain knowledge.
It takes hurt to heal.
It takes disaster to see beauty.

---

Take a look at this ad. I received this in my inbox last week at work. I think they are pushing the envelope just a tad. (Free advertising for the company I know but I couldn't help but not share this)

So digging Manafest tonight!

And so totally pre-ordered the album which drops tomorrow! Check out "So Beautiful" from the new album "CITIZENS ACTIV" :

Yesterday marks an entire week that I have not cried since the lose of my job on January 21st. I guess this means I am healing and moving on. :)
I was also wrong, Wednesday marks FIVE months....

Tomorrow begins my life of working two jobs. I'm a bit nervous about how crazy my life is going to get. ACK. I also have a second interview tomorrow for a job in an accounting firm so really hoping that goes well!

This has been one insane weekend of not relaxing! My sister and I are finally getting our rooms in the new place set up....we're getting there slowly but surely! My legs throb something fierce at the moment tho so it's time to chill out.

Also finished a very funny and interesting book recently - "Bitter is the New Black". If you like sarcasm and lost a job recently, definitely get your hands on this book. You'll be laughing your way through her life story.

I think it's time for a movie...."A Walk to Remember" or "Fast and the Furious" ? (Do not mock my choice of movies! I'm in a odd mood and not sure if I want to cry through a love story or stare adoringly at Paul Walker. Tough choice, i know.)

Hello to my loyal readers of a blog of which I am neglecting. I do have a big long story to tell here eventually but for now I have a quick update.

I am currently full-time temping in G-town (guaranteed until the end of May) and as of tomorrow will be employed at Chapters part-time. Guess who is going to be a tad busy? I'm doing this so I have somewhat of a secure income (at least a little bit of money) as well as I need to be making more money anyways to pay the bills.

Next Tuesday marks 4 months since I lost my job. That's a crazy long time and feels like a lifetime ago.

I pray that God keeps granting me patience and understanding as He leads me to where He wants me to be.

Hey all, I'm still alive. Lots of updating to do. Please forgive the absence lately but the last 3 months of my life have been....um, interesting. Also I just moved at the beginning of the week so I'm currently living in a massive mess of boxes and bags.

Thanks to my faithful readers! I will be back soon! :)

I haven't blogged for quite some time on here and with my return I am going to blog about software. Yup, that's right. Good ole office software.

Lotus Notes.

I have never used Lotus Notes until the last month and well, I have an opinion about this program.

First off, I had no concept of what Lotus Notes was or the functions of the program in an office. Now I know - it 's like Outlook but not in a good way. Lotus is bulky and not very efficient. Figuring out how to compose a new email took me a couple minutes! Actually the item that took me the longest to figure out was how to create a signature and automatically have it attach to each new "memo". That's another thing that bugs me - why do they have to label emails as memos? Is labelling it an email too cutting edge? Then there's the issue with each new "memo" opening in a new tab. Terribly annoying when you want to toggle between multiple emails and other documents. I'm also not fond of the contacts database because again it's not very easily organized compared to my experience with Outlook.

This brings me to my question, how retro is Lotus Notes? Is it relevant with today's fast paced technology? Is it a cheap alternative to Outlook? What convinces companies to go with this program?

Mind you the only bonus to learning about this program is that now I can list it under office software programs I am knowledgeable in! Will this add value to my resume? I have my doubts.

Now I know why I don't like using Lotus Notes - the version I've been using is seriously outdated - version 6.5: (no wonder!)