Frowning she sits staring out the window.
Staring beyond, her fingers touching the glass.
Her world so changed and so unstable.
A single tear slips down her pale cheek.

Segregated, alone and feeling lost.
She dreams of better days and bigger things.
From life she knows not what she wants.
A longing, a desire to want more.

This life of hers seems an endless battle.
The rain it pours down tapping the window.
Her forehead touches the cold glass.
A heaviness sits upon her like the rain clouds...

I took a huge risk last week - I quit my job that I finally got after a 5.5 month adventure of working full-time temp and part-time at Chapters. My parents don't know yet (unless they read this post) and I'm struggling with picking up the phone and telling them.

I'm scared.

Afraid.

This is the first time I've ever walked away from a job.

Why? Self-preservation. The job was killing me slowly - emotionally, personally and spiritually. For two months I had to learn a job on my own in an industry I know nothing about and working as an assistant to a man who doesn't understand what being accountable means. Being in an office with tons of cussing, vulgarity, lack of morality and general un-professionalism. Being told that there is no learning curve left - that basically I'm not doing enough work even though I am constantly stressed out, buried under paperwork and working so much there is no time for lunch. I made one friend and he got the boot last week for a reasons I didn't agree with.

I met up with a lady from my church, Colleen, on Thursday evening - perfect timing. She had so much to tell me and let me talk over and over again - justifying over and over again why I wanted to quit and why I shouldn't. I knew what I needed to do and after 2.5 hours talking I did what my gut and heart were telling me. I was done. I made the phone calls and my life is forever changed yet again.

My eyes are open even more now to what I truly want in life - not that job! :P Time for a career change? I think so. I've been doing administrative work since high school - about 7 years. It was a safe career choice. It was an easy choice. I need to trust God immensely to guide my next steps.

Talking to a bunch of people this weekend has shown m that sometimes you have to take a leap like this to figure out what to do in life. My friend Mike got married on Friday night and I think I got more advice from him then I know what to do with. Having friends who know you is so crucial! Talking to someone who's been in the same boat give me so much more hope.

If you think of me, please pray for me. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life but am learning very quickly that I don't. To change careers I need to find something I enjoy but figuring that out is going to be a hard battle. (Suggestions from anyone?)

This afternoon I watched my good friend Mike get married to his wonderful wife April.  Watching his face as his bride walk down the aisle was price-less, he was grinning like a little kid.  It was an outdoor wedding and just a beautiful day to boot.  This is the first wedding I've gone to that it's a good friend getting married - it made me flash back over the last number of years of my friendship with Mike and it's been a blessing.  Sometimes people are in your life for a reason.  :)